The Outsider."
by Alan Smithee
Summary: Something I've done on small amounts of sleep and large amounts of "Vitamin E."


"The Outsider."  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of Nintendo. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
"Okay, class, you have your assignment. 40 notecards on your term paper by Wednesday," the teacher said. One of the students could be seen by his confident look.  
"Excellent. Already ahead of the game. I'll have them done this weekend," he thought.  
"Are you sure, Tom?" he asked.  
"Why, of course. I always am. When did you get that telepathic power, Mr.H?" Tom asked.  
"Oh, I've had that for a long time now. It's easy to see when people are brownnosing, which students want to boff which other ones, you know." The teacher left the room. Tom proceeded to think. "I've still got a few that I need to do. Hopefully, I won't have any work..." Suddenly, he heard the voice of his buddy Dave.  
"Hey, TOM! Think you could give me a ride to Thayer? I need to hook up with my girlfriend!" he asked.  
"You mean the one you met at the Guster concert, got the number then, and hooked up with while I met with a girl who I've known for nearly a year, had the number, and still haven't gotten the nerve to call?" Tom replied.  
"You need to call her, man! You know why I was able to?"  
"Because you're a WHORE?"  
"No, because I have some confidence. Just call, man. You've said you're friends with her, just do it."  
"Okay."  
"So, pass over the ride."  
"Okay. Where are we heading, again?"  
  
"WHY are we in Massachusetts again?" Dave asked.  
"Um, I don't know. Shits and giggles?" Tom replied.  
"Maybe this mall will have something to do in it." The two entered the mall through the Sears. They passed a Pokemon section.  
"WHOA, those are like the BIGGEST balls I've ever seen..." Dave said.  
"I wonder what else is there?" Tom pushed on one of the Pokemon displays. Suddenly, a large beam shot through the display, catching Tom.  
"DAMMIT! Why does this always happen. I hang out, I do stuff, someone gets spirited away through a giant Poke-Dick..."  
  
"Where the hell am I?" Tom asked.  
"You're in SEIZURE City," the nurse replied.  
"This isn't..."  
"Where's your Pokemon at?"  
"Bih? Am I in..."  
"You're at the hospital. Where's your Pokemon?"  
"NO! I can't be in the Pokemon world! I have to start work Monday!" Tom screamed.  
"What?"  
"Er, I don't use Pokemon."  
"Oh. Freak."  
  
"What do I do here?" Where can I find people to hang out with? Someone who I can get to pay for food and parking, preferably..."  
"AH HELLO I AM ASH YOU MUST HAVE POKEMON FIGHT ME JIMMY FIGHT ME JIMMY!" Ash screamed out.  
"You think I have Pokemon?" Tom asked. "I'll show you what I got..." Tom proceeded to take out a ball. "Let me check my figures, okay."   
"GO, PIKACHU!" Ash screamed.  
"Go, SURVIVOR WINNER RICHARD HATCH!"   
"PIKA PIKA!" Pikachu curled up into a ball.   
"Mmm..."   
"YOU SICKO WHAT DID YOUR POKEMON DO TO MY PIKACHU IT'S ALL VANISHED NOW INSIDE THAT HOLE THING!"  
"Okay. My bad. I just need to get out of here."  
"Are you another Fic writer?" Misty asked.  
"Um, yeah. But I don't write Pokemon fiction."  
"Okay. You'll have to hang around us until we can get you back."  
"Cool."  
  
Meanwhile, across the land, some shit was hitting the fan.  
"That guy's going to get into the World Tunnel before me? That's insane!" Walla screamed.  
"What's your problem?"  
"Ever since those idiotic Krofft guys threw me into that temporal displacement thingamabob, I've been here! I'll have to kill this guy!"  
  
"What will we use to go around?" Tom asked.  
"Your feet." Misty replied.  
"Screw that." Tom put a Transformer inside a ball and threw it. In an instant, they had a sweet ride.   
"Que bella," Tom replied. The three got inside and drove.  
"Ah, good soundsystem." The three drove through the wilds until they crossed Walla's paths.  
  
"Ah, you're doomed now!" Walla replied.  
"Aren't you from that one show?" Tom replied.  
"So? I want to take your place in the real world!"  
"So, let me think here. I, Party A, would be stuck here and get to party with a little bitch-boy who I could get to do my bidding easily..."  
"YOU JERK! I'll have to beat you down...with my pokemon." Ash said.  
"...and some chick who I could definitely hit as much as I'd want to?"  
"That's one of the sweetest things that anyone's ever said! Damn, I'm pathetic." Misty replied.  
"Um, yes," Walla replied.  
"While you, Party B, would be placed in some godforsaken monument to consumerism, heckle trendy people, work your ass of trying to get your main paper done well, write fanfiction, and still have time to pine over some girl who you can't really have a chance at?"  
"Sure, I guess."  
"Cool!"   
"That's not good enough. I'll get you now..." Walla pulled out a Pokeball.  
"GO! MEWTWO!"  
"GO! IFRIT!"  
"Where did you get that?" Ash asked.  
"Hang out with the Final Fantasy crowd a lot. Pretty cool peeps. They grow some of the best bud in the video game world, man..."  
Just then, Mewtwo pulled off an upset on Ifrit.  
"...BUT THEIR GF'S ARE PIECES OF SHIT!" Tom threw the Pokeball at Walla and they ran away. Tom was left behind.   
  
"What am I going to do now?" Tom asked. "I'm alone in a bad video game." Suddenly, a shiny character came into vision.  
"GREETINGS, NOONCH!" the voice replied.  
"Who are you?"  
"I am Randal. I am the lost mage of those who are foresaken. I come to give you guidance."  
"What am I supposed to do?" Tom asked.  
"You must learn what is necessary to help you out from this experience." Randal said.  
"But what is that?"   
"Check it out."  
"How do I defeat Walla?"  
"Use something that nothing could lose to. Then you'll win."  
"Anything else?"  
"Review my fanfiction, once in a while. I'm making a new thing to try and merge the Backstreet Project, Sailor Moon, and the Jersey Trilogy, then rename all of the characters to the names of the Digidestined..." Randal replied.  
"Did I come out here for hype?" Tom asked.  
  
Soon, Tom caught up with Ash and Misty.   
"Where did you go?"  
"UM WE WENT TO...DO STUFF IT WAS REALLY COOL." Ash said.  
"You should've been there."   
"Sorry, I was getting mystical guidance of some sort."  
"Let me guess. Randal?" Misty asked.  
"How'd you know?"  
"Call it luck. We'd better get to sleep."  
"Well, I was given the keys to room 420 at the desk..." Tom asked.  
"Why, my lucky stars! That's the room I ordered for myself!" Misty said.  
"That's why it was free..."  
"And it just so happens to be a single bed!"  
"So?"  
"HEHEHE MY BED IS DOUBLEHEHEHE!"Ash said.  
"Listen. Do I have to say it in front of Zippy the Idiot Boy here?"  
"Say what?"  
"Go into my room and fuck me until I'm senseless."  
"Um, I have some sort of..."  
"What? Commitment? You're not going out with her, and even if you were, you're in a different world than she is! It's all legit!"  
"Okay. Well, at the very least, I'm a MAN, dammit..."  
  
"Now, how do I defeat Walla?"  
"Just use your strongest Pokemon!"  
"GO! MEW!"  
"GO! DIABLOS!"  
  
Mew proceeded to perform a rare reflection move that sent Diablos's attack right toward Tom.  
"NOOOOOOO!"  
When the smoke cleared, Tom was dead.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Misty asked.  
"WOOHOOI HOPE IT HURT!" Ash said.  
"Come on. Give him some Pokemon tears. Otherwise I'll tell everyone how you're hung like a two year old."  
"Okay." Ash sprinkled some Pokemon tears over Tom, reviving him.   
"I'm...alive?"   
"Walla's heading toward the TDT!" Misty shouted.  
  
"What? You again?" Walla screamed.  
"One last time, bitch." Tom yelled.  
"Okay. Your funeral...again."   
"Okay. What do I have that absolutely nothing could ever lose to in a fair fight?"  
  
"GO! SPYRO!"  
"GO! REGIS PHILBIN!"  
  
Spyro started by trying to set Regis ablaze.  
"SCATMAN REGIS IN THE HIZZOUSE!" Regis proceeded to kick out some funky scat.  
"SPYRO!" Spyro proceeded to head-butt Regis.  
"WHO WANTS TO POOP ON MY FACE?" Regis yelled as he started to beat the hell out of Spyro. Pretty soon, Spyro was knocked out.  
"POOP ON MY FACE! POOP ON MY FACE!" Regis yelled.  
"Whoa. That's weird." Misty said.  
"I know. I always knew Regis Philbin had a shit-eating grin, but this..." Tom said as he started to go into the TDT.  
"Tom! You will...come back for me, right?" Misty asked.  
"Probably not. I don't like this screwy little sandbar too much. But you are a cartoon. I'll just put you into my spank bank."  
"Just take one thing to the people out there, Tom!"   
"What?"  
"MARIJUANA IS NOT A DRUG! IT'S NOT!"  
"Okay!"  
In an instant, Tom was gone.  
  
"Dude! Wake up!" Dave said.  
"What happened?" Tom asked.  
"You fell asleep."   
"Whoa. Did you pass me any Thayer rat weed?"  
"Um, no."  
"That is strange. I had this fucked up dream."  
"Come on. Star Wars is coming on."  
"Which one?"  
"Episode One."  
"Dammit."  
  
Epilogue: Tom got his info for his report and did quite well on it. However, he quickly was put in Butler when he said how he went to a mystical world to have sexual relations with a 12 year old.  
  
The end. 


End file.
